"To my buddy who said I’d never host the Tonight Show. You owe me $100."
Jimmy collects on his $100 bet with friends like Robert De Niro, Lady Gaga, Kim Kardashian, Mike Tyson and Joe Namath.
“You fight like a girl.”
Reblogging because I’m sure the comic readers out there could add some more.
i can’t hear you
over the sound
of me crushing my enemies
so here you go
this is the best post on tumblr, hands down
ads for pads these days are all about how thin and discreet pads are and how no one will ever be tell you’re wearing them wELL HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE THE PACKAGING QUIETER BECAUSE THERE’S NO FUCKING POINT IN HAVING A THIN DISCREET PAD WHEN EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU RIPPING ONE OPEN IN THE SCHOOL BATHROOM
Use the men’s room they won’t expect it
'Who the fuck is eating chips in here?'